Food

I have a crap relationship with food

I have used it and abused it over the years as it gave me the means to define my body and my feelings about myself and life

Bit like the same way I do with alcohol I guess

Back in 2011 I was my heaviest, could barely move, joined a gym, stopped eating chocolate and started being accountable for my health

My BMI was 61.1

With a lot of hard work I got it down to 29.8 in September 2014

I had gone from morbidly obese to overweight 

I looked dreadful

My skin hung off me and I looked older

I may have gained amazing cheekbones but my eyes lacked sparkle

And I didn’t feel like me

Since then there have a raft of health issues and the weight crept on and the size of my jeans went higher

As I turned 50 I decided to get fit and started serious weight lifting so things toned up and I stopped being a slave to the calorie as I managed my weight by weights 

Last year had a heart hiccup so had to stop

And the weight crept on

I went into lockdown without my scales

I came home the same size and at first was okay and maintained

My BMI was 44.5

Then life got harder so I comfort ate and drank to excess 

At the start of July my BMI had crept up to 50

I tried to do intermittent fasting but I slipped towards the end of the month particular in the evenings with my drinking

I started 3rd August with a BMI of 45.9

Everything was bloated so I went on a detox with accountable eating, no booze and fluid retention pills to reduce the bloating

A week on and my BMI is 43.1

Myfitnesspal tells me I am under eating and need to eat more but I am limiting my eating to 2 hours a day and around the 1000 calorie mark

I am not active at the moment and am being scared by the news telling us that obese people are at risk

I am trying to limit my risk as quick as I can and as safe as I can

Once I lose a few pounds more I will get the weights out to exercise more but right now the heat is too much

I have set myself a goal to get my BMI to 35.8 by Christmas 

I will still be classed as obese but it will still be 25 less than it was 10 years ago but even if I don’t get there it is still progress and unlike a lot of diets I didn’t gain all the weight back 

Hopefully by then I will be working so can join a gym to tone up what I have

That will be a happier outcome for me

And if J is back he will still have something to cuddle up to and he can nag me to walk more

I like being cuddly